here I go again

For any of you wondering why I was gone last week, I will try to explain. Blame the fever I’ve had for the last two days if I don’t make much sense.

I've stayed away because I was hit by feelings of self-doubt. That’s it, plain and simple. It touched how I feel about my work, my abilities and my path choices; everything related to what I do for a living. I waffled about my current projects and about ideas that I have about the future. Reflective retreat is my typical modus operandi when all this comes about.

It’s not the first time I feel this way, nor will it be the last. It’s something that shows up like an unwelcome guest and can be just as annoying. I acknowledge these feelings, not because I really want to, but because I need to. Trying to ignore the whole thing and move on would be like trying to work with one hand behind my back.

I don’t really know why these feelings creep up but they do. Like I said, they're annoying but in a strange way they shake me up in a good way. When they pass I typically feel a sense of renewed enthusiasm. I discover that there was something that needed to be fixed and I find that I have new ideas that were lurking under the surface. This time was no different.

I’m ok now. I’ve done some reading, taken notes and done some sketching. I think I’ve even made up my mind about what I want my second book to be about. Yes, I’m willing to take the leap again. I still have to see if my idea is accepted but I’m pretty excited about it.

I wondered if I should post this or not. But sharing preempted feelings of vulnerability because I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that goes through all this. Coincidentally Jena proved that today. So, in case you didn't know this already, if you’ve ever gone through something similar, you’re not alone.

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“Self-doubt is the little voice in your head saying " You Can Do It!" and the big voice saying " I Wish You Would"...listen to the little voice” - Sean O'Donnell